I am laying in a hospital bed in Cape Town, South Africa whilst Sam is back in Lusaka with the girls. In the last 48 hours I have undergone another major surgery on my foot. A few days ago a bone scan revealed that most of the screws from the last surgery were broken and twisted leaving the fracture in my navicular bone unhealed and hence still painful.
This news hit us hard as it was a shock and we had to make practical arrangements for more surgery for me. It has been a tough few days physically and emotionally being separated from Sam but once again it has been a time when we have received so much love and support from others.
This morning I woke early with a huge sense of happiness and determination. A bit odd at 5 in the morning and with the lady snoring next to me!
But its because I was hit with the realisation that I have a relationship with a God who loves me and wants the best for me. It is His power within me that is giving me strength when I am weak, it is His love seeping out through my many cracks and imperfections that gives me hope.
So I will not give up and despair. I am reminded of a verse in the bible….
“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.”
I know that God loves me and is for me. He has a plan and purpose for me and for you too. My life and what I do is not about me. I am simply a broken vessel or fragile clay jar that God is choosing to use for some of His purposes in Zambia and He’s not finished yet. There is still work to be done.
I have never been more focused and determined than I am lying here right now. There are children who feel pain of abuse and neglect that far outweighs my cries.
That is why I will not give up. Although I return to Zambia once again physically weak, my spirit is renewed. This current trouble is small and will pass. I am not defeated from another knock. I will fix my gaze on Him that knows all things and trust once again that He has everything under control.
Be encouraged for whatever you are going through this morning my friends. God loves you.