I apologise for the silence around blogging. The last month has been another whirlwind of unexpected circumstances for my health.
To be honest, I find myself not wanting to blog during these times. There is a part of me which wants to keep the tough times quiet. I feel a bit embarrased and don’t want people to think that our blogs always express our challenges. I am bored of my ongoing health issues and so not sure everyone else wants to hear of them too! I just want to keep going with my head down!
But then I realise by thinking this way I go quiet and don’t communicate with anyone and then we start to disconnect. So I was encouraged by my mum to write a blog. To let people know how we are and what is going on. So here goes….
I started to experience intense nerve and neck pain approximately 12 weeks ago, particularly in the night with loss of feeling in my left arm and hand. After seeking advice, we travelled to South Africa to investigate the symptoms further. Once in Cape Town, we were told that I had severe disc protrusion on the spinal chord and would need surgery to remove and replace one or two of the discs. We are currently waiting for investigation on how many discs need dealing with and then the operation which is scheduled for next week.
This news has shocked us and raised lots of questions and confusion. I continue to have ongoing foot and right shoulder pain too and we dont know why so many health problems have occured on the back of my accident two years ago.
However, God always reminds us that He is with us. Once again we have been part of His amazing provision in so many ways. Our insurance is covering all medical costs, including our accomodation. My mum has been able to travel to be with us and so we are all together as a family. And Cape Town itself with the sea and mountains is not a bad place to be unwell!!
Yet it is hard. I am not very patient and have things I want to do and can’t. My eyes are drawn to all those people doing things that I want to do but not sure I ever will. Playing tennis, walking, hiking, running. I am grieving. I feel my children are too small to have a mum who cannot play with them how I used to. I get jealous and think, why me?
I live with constant pain and I struggle to agree with or understand God’s plan. He could make me better straight away if He wanted. Everything feels unsettled and life once again stripped of routine and ‘normal’. The children are out of school and missing friends and activities. We have also had to cancel two very key Tehila activities whilst we are here. This is frustrating as I love our work and being in a flow!!
However, despite this Sam and I are choosing to trust God. Full stop. We are making a daily difficult decision to not focus on the things God isn’t doing and instead focus on what he is doing otherwise we will miss His movements. (wise words from my lovely friend Janine Jackson!)
We know God is with us and I know it sounds crazy in some ways but we both feel we are still where God wants us to be. Our girls are thriving and love life. Sam and I love working together and are passionately doing what we were born to do. We are living exactly in Gods will for our lives. How do I know? Because I feel totally at peace, absolutely.
So thats it. Our news. We just wanted to keep you all updated. We love to hear from you so any encouragment would be more than welcome especially at this time when we are a bit more isolated here in South africa away from our home in Zambia.
Love as always xx